Somebody to Have
by ChiisanaAnisa
Summary: Please, don't go. If you go I won't have anybody to have. Rory halfscreamed. Later on Emily ponders what exactly did Rory mean. EmilyLorelaiLukeRory centered from Emily's POV Oneshot


**Disclaimer: **_I most certiantly don't own the fabolous Gilmore Girls._

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**"Somebody to Have"**

**By Chiisana Anisa**

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Every mother wants to see her daughter happy and loved. And every daughter wants to live happily ever after having just that - happiness and love.

Or so I thought.

It was hard for me when Lorelai decided to be a single parent, because I was forced to face the fact that her life isn't quite fitting in the picture I wanted her to have. That was how things were supposed to be. And then as if things weren't bad enough, Lorelai just up and went away, moved out of the house. She ran, probably hoping that she would be able to start a new life. And Rory was a perfect excuse.

Or so I thought.

She moved, but the distance in miles wasn't that far away. The distance between our hearts was immeasurable. Somewhere in my head, a tiny voice suggested that she has made the right choice by going away, but being who I am, it only aggravated me that my daughter didn't have enough trust and love in me to understand. Neither did I to understand her.

She worked as a maid in that lovely inn, and I knew Mia personally, thus knowing that Lorelai was in somewhat good hands. Mia served as a good source of information when Lorelai stubbornly refused to let us in on her life. I watched her from the distance, always behind some invisible fence how she struggled and made sacrifices. She suffered and I didn't need Mia to tell me that, I could see it on Lorelai's face sometimes.

But now more than ever, Lorelai's face was carrying a smile that could brighten up your day and it has by time, slowly began to grow more and more constant on her face. At some point in her life she started living, but I didn't know the reason for that change. Neither did Mia.

Or so I thought.

I observed my daughter dance through many relationships, changing from one man to another, constantly in a search for something neither of them could really give her. Somehow she managed to comprehend that by herself and she did what she learned to do best when she was only seventeen. She ran from them, knowing all to well that they weren't what she needed.

Once, purely by chance, I was in the mall looking for a suit for Richard, and then there was her voice somewhere left of me but I couldn't see her. A few steps later she was in front of me. She was also shopping, Rory attached to her hand, smiling sweetly as only a six year old girl can. But it wasn't Rory that interested me. It was something that Lorelai was saying to the little chubby woman that was accompanying her.

She was turned with her back to me, and her friend asked her something about a man that she was currently seeing. Lorelai turned halfways to her friend and I couldn't hear everything she said, but the smile, that smile was on. I wondered if she had finally found that someone special for her. Her friend smiled, knowingly and punched Lorelai on her right armpit.

Lorelai grinned too, but only whispered back. "He is wonderful, isn't he?" And she had said it with such confidence, joy more so, that I was left speechless. I knew that Lorelai was special when it came to relationships with other people but this time she seemed as if the man they were talking about was something else. And that smile was forever imprinted in my memory.

But later, when I got home, I started thinking. What intentions has that man with my daughter? Will he really accept her and Rory, or will he only add more wounds and headaches to her life? As much as I tried to push those questions out of my head they just kept coming back. I wouldn't have given it that much thought if it wasn't for what she said of him.

Then something happened that every parent, every grandmother or grandfather fears of. Our little Rory fell ill. I learned from Mia that she cried almost constantly and kept complaining about some strange pain in her leg whenever she touched it. I tried to offer Lorelai help, through Mia of course, but once again, she refused it.

Rory as it seemed got some infection that spread into the bones and she had to go through surgery. But that was all I knew, that was all Mia knew. Not so long after the surgery, Lorelai brought Rory with her to the Inn, and set her in one of the rooms, because she had to work to pay for the medical bills, and she didn't let Mia pay for them. I managed to sneak in the room that day, and I was saddened by the picture of a girl I saw.

She was running with a high fever, she had lost on her weight, probably because she was still too weak to eat, I don't really know. But she wasn't that giggling little girl from the mall, instead this was one very sad face looking back at me. Lorelai caught me and we argued, because Rory needed sleep and rest and I would only aggravate her. I wasn't sure really how and why would I do that, but thinking about it later it made sense. I would actually aggravate Lorelai and by doing that I would cause damage to Rory too.

Because every mother knows how her child feels. And every child knows how her mother feels. But, unfortunately Rory got worse for some reason and another operation was set soon. Lorelai being herself, once again wanted to pay for the bills so she worked overtime, and Mia offered to watch over Rory who was lying in the bed almost all of the time, so vulnerable that you practically weren't allowed to hold her in your arms.

I was able to come twice a week with Mia, and I'll be forever grateful for that to her. She sneaked me in their little garage house every Tuesday and Thursday, just so I could see Rory, to make sure she was getting better, even if it was little by little. Then one night when I was in the makeshift kitchen making tea for us I overheard the conversation between Mia and my granddaughter. Mia said that we would have to go soon and then Rory pushed herself up and half-screamed.

"Please, Mia, don't go. If you go I won't have anybody to have." In my head I started correcting her grammar mistakes, but I neglected it as soon as the real meaning registered in my head. And it pained me to hear it, because I knew we had to go before Lorelai came back. Mia tried to comfort her by saying that we loved her and that we would come back soon. Still, leaving that night, it nearly broke my heart.

Eventually, Rory got better and she was once again that charming young girl with a giggle almost constantly on her cherry lips and the same sparkle in her eyes that her mother had. And then they moved into a bigger house, to Stars Hallow, and Lorelai got to run the Inn. Mia left it all to her, and I was proud because she managed to built this life for herself. But I was half angry, half sad because now that Mia was gone I had no more valid excuses to come by.

But through time, our relationship got better with one shaky step, and we started talking again. It wasn't completely what I wanted and I still judged her on some basis, she still blamed us, Richard and me, for making it like it was in the past, and we more fought than we talked, but once I heard that if you fight, at least it means that you acknowledge that person. So it was, you could say, enough.

And the years flew by, and many things happened. The Inn burned down, Lorelai was off and on with Christopher, Rory had Dean, then Jess, then Lorelai and Sookie, which I learned was the same person from that day in the mall, opened their own Inn. Rory went to Yale, and then all that with Jason... So many things happened between them and me. So many bad things.

Richard and I grew even more apart and so I was at the hotel one evening when I decided that I could visit on Lorelai and Rory, since Rory was back for the holidays. I didn't even know what was expecting me. I entered the house, swearing to remind Lorelai to lock her doors, and went to Rory's room. I was too polite to yell out for either of them. Just as I was to open the door of Rory's room I heard someone talking to her. And it was a man, a grown up man.

I pushed the doors open a bit to hear them more clearly - I knew the man in her room. It was that dinner guy, Luke. He was calm and gentle talking to Rory, with a tone of comfort in his voice. I didn't know why he was that way or why it seemed that Rory has been crying for years, but I looked anyway.

What was strange was the way they were. They were sitting on the bed, Rory wrapped in Luke's arms like a little doll. She seemed so small and so vulnerable towards Luke with his strong back and lean shoulders, and his long arms around Rory's small frame. But they held her like she was the most precious thing in the world. He was whispering something to her, I couldn't hear but I felt as if I was intruding on their privacy and pulled back.

I sat in the kitchen and it must have been less than five minutes when Lorelai came in. She went to Rory but I stopped her.

"That man is in there." I flinched at the tone of my voice. I sounded too harsh. Lorelai blinked at me and with her hands crossed over her chest she sighed tiredly.

"What man, mom?"

"That man from the dinner, Luke. He's in there with Rory, and although I have no idea what happened, he's in there, holding her and comforting her." Lorelai seemed genuinely surprised by that so she turned her head to the doors as if she was trying to look through them.

"Really? Luke is in there?"

"What did I just say Lorelai? If I said that he's in there, then he is in there." At this Lorelai averted her eyes to look back at me, a smile on her face, which was very familiar to me, but yet seemed very new.

She closed her eyes and walked past me to pour herself the coffee, or make it, I presumed. I looked back at her, turning on the chair and found out I was right. She was drinking coffee but from a to-go cup, probably from that dinner too. She was still smiling that same smile when she pulled the cup away from her lips. Then she spoke, but I had a distinctive feeling she wasn't really talking to me.

"He really is a wonderful man."

And suddenly it all got up together, and I remember that particular day and that particular smile on her face. It was familiar because it was just the same as when I heard this sentence for the first time, just that this time there was something more in it.

This smile held a knowing suspicion, when you know something but are still a tad afraid to admit it to yourself, and you try to hide it by smiling so that the others wouldn't know you're hiding something. But all in all, you don't know exactly that that smile reveals everything you're trying to hide. And that's usually a smile when you know you love someone, but you still have to say it.

To yourself, or to that someone.

It was all very clear to me, although I only found out later what happened that evening for both Rory and Lorelai, and even if I was angry that they couldn't tell me right away, I was in a strange way happy too. For them.

Because now, two years later I'm standing here watching my daughter get married for the first time and Rory's right beside me, all giggling again. And suddenly, I don't really know why or how, I remember her from that evening from so long ago when she begged Mia not to go. As if Rory's reading my mind she turns slowly to look me in the eyes.

"Grandma, do you remember that evening when I was sick and you and Mia came to watch over me? When I asked you not to go?" I nodded at her briefly, feeling something curl up inside of me.

"Well, then you must remember what I said then, although it did have bad grammar." She says, half jokingly.

"I remember." I managed to squeeze out, because I also remember how it broke my heart to leave her that night.

She turns her eyes back to her mother, standing down the aisle, happily smiling at Luke, holding hands. There is serenity on Lorelai's face and Luke is looking at her as if she is the only one it the room. In the world. Rory's eyes are taking all that in and she closes her eyes then, just for a second, before smiling.

"Well, excuse me if I'll be incorrect again, but you know what Grandma? I believe mom and I both have someone to have." And with that said she turns again her face at me and I'm stunned by how grownup she seems.

There is maturity behind her words and in her eyes, and yet I can't help but notice and recognize the expression on her face. She really is her mother's daughter, I think, putting away the smile on her face in my memory, right next to Lorelai's.

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**The End**

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**AN: **_And that's it! I hope you liked it, if so please tell me because I'm in the process of writing another story for our GG's, and I'd just like to know it I can pull it of. And I hope I managed to pull Emily off to some extent. Thanks!_

_And a big thank you note to my beta reader - Jamie!_

_Love,_

_Anisa_


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